so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
