She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
