It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
