Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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