What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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