I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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