Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
