Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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