Buhtt sex?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
