so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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