well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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