apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
