Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
