I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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