No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
