You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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