dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think i got beer on your cat.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
