I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
