I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
