i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
