how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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