Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
