We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
