every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
