and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
