from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
