im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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