No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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