My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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