You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
