Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
