Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
