Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
