it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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