I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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