I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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