Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize