oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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