I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
