worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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