hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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