we have officially lost it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
