Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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