I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
