i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dignity is for republicans.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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