I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
