I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize