ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
