I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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