Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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