and you said cock pushups were impossible
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
