I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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