I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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