It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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