Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
