You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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