mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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