All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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