you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
