I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
