my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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