I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
