fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
