So drunk its hurt
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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