I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
