Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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