I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
