Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
