all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
