It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
