I'm going to jail i love you
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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