tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize