I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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