I wish I only lived at night.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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