Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
