left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
