Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
