Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
