just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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