saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
