She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can I color on your dick again?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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