butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
