Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
