is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
