i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
