What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
