you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
