I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
