halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
