I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
