You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everclear isn't food dammit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
