If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
