you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize