had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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