You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
