Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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