The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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