Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
