Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
