What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
