woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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