I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
