I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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