I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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