I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
