watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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