I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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