i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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