I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
