Please, let me fuck your mom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
