So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
