I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Vodka?
Forever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
