This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
