The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
