Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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