I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
