Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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