Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
