I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
